To qu0te the beginning of the chapter, ” The power of unspoken worries and reactions should not be underestimated because they shape relationships and determine outcomes for the children involved.” I think so many times it is easy to forget underlying thoughts someone might have that they are not saying especially if it a negative reaction that the person is giving you. Instead of thinking, hmm… what could be causing that reaction we internalize it and think, man they are rude. Or don’t they know I am just trying to do my job.
The idea of being able to truly get inside the head of someone like with the 2 stories they presented would make life a lot easier. Unfortunately since this is something that can not be done, I found some of the tips and thought process of the parents to be quite thought provoking. “I wish that all this worry would go away so I could go on being Sam’s mom, being me.” Fear I believe can cause many different reactions. This is something I think I need to keep in mind. Sometimes this negative reaction is out of fear or worry of the unknown, it isn’t a personal attack towards me. To again quote the text, “I’m not mad at you.” It is so quick to forget the parent is projecting feelings and fears towards you but it is not about you.
I long to give you answers, but often I just don’t have all the answers. On the flip side of the coin is the professionals thoughts. This is one thought that I have had many times myself. This is probably why it stuck out so much in my mind. This idea that I or anyone else is supposed to fix someones child is scary and puts high stress on the professional. What if the parent asks me a question I can’t answer? What am I supposed to say? “She taught me what no textbook could: how painful and frightening this process can be for parents.” At the end of the day I believe you can learn more and more through each experience and try your best to build on the things you learn from these experiences to better your relationships in the future. “The paradox is that to help, I must hurt.” For someone who is a such a feeler, this is a harsh statement. I wish the truth of this was not so real.
As I read about Rachael’s story, I thought about the words that professionals use to speak to parents. “I have a hard time remembering this special ed lingo.” Time and time again I have witnessed and even been apart of using the lingo, forgetting that this lingo may be new to the parent. It would be like an elderly man trying to figure out what teenagers are talking about these days.
Another thing I liked about Rachael’s story was the idea of being able to step away during a disagreement and being able to come back to it with a fresh idea that may not be business as usual, but that may strengthen the trust and respect for the relationship.